


Unprecedented Astronomical Phenomena

by GalaxyOwl



Category: The Thrilling Adventure Hour, Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Crossover, Gen, not written in script format but probably should have been
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 14:38:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6083127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxyOwl/pseuds/GalaxyOwl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Hephaestus crew meets the Mars crew. It goes about how you'd expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unprecedented Astronomical Phenomena

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place late season one (ish?) for Wolf 359, and "sometime after the beginning of the Ginny arc but before the hardware store arc" for SNMOM. Not that it actually matters.

Minkowski is in the hallway when Hera says, “Commander?” and surprises her.

“There’s… there’s something strange going on outside,” Hera says. “I’m not really sure how to describe it, but, well…” She stops and Minkowski is left waiting for a moment. “Can you get to the window by the hanger bay?”

“Um,” Minkowski says, “sure.” She wonders what in the world could be so important. And so cryptic. But it isn’t far to the window.

Then she gets to there.

Sitting outside, unassuming and plain, is a planet, reddish and large and very, very out of place.

***

"Sparks Nevada," Croach says, looking warily about the marshal station. "Mars is currently experiencing an unprecedented solar anomaly. I believe that—"

“That's great, Croach,” Sparks says, standing across from him. “Reckon I can look into it, I dunno, never."

The marshal station's AI chimes in to announce the doors opening, but barely has she finished her statement than Red is inside. "Nevada," she says, "you'd best come look at this."

"What?" Sparks asks. "You're not worried about this solar something-or-other, too, are you?"

Red glances at Croach. “Yeah, I am, actually. The sun's lookin’ awful strange."

Sparks groans, but finally agrees to follow the others outside. The station AI cheerfully announces their departure. 

When he gets outside, Sparks sees very clearly what they were talking about. It’s darker outside than it should be. By a lot. The sun—if that is even the sun—seems to have changed color; the familiar yellow is now a dull reddish orange, just barely brighter than the Martian plains. And it's smaller. By a lot.

"That..." Sparks says. "That certainly is something."

“Wait just a minute," Red says, "what's—what's that right there?" She points to a faint shape in the sky, lower on the horizon than the red sun.

"It's just Deimos, ain't it?" Sparks says. "Mars' moon?"

"That is far too small to be the second moon of G’loot Praktaw," Croach says, low.

“Mars,” Sparks corrects him under his breath.

"Croach's right, Nevada," Red says, her gaze flicking between the men beside her and the unfamiliar shape in the sky. "That's no moon."

***

"Alright," Minkowski says, barely looking at Eiffel. ”Let’s think through this logically. Do we know for sure that Wolf 359 doesn't have any planets?"

"I think we'd have noticed by now if we weren't the only thing orbiting this weird-ass star," Eiffel says. Minkowski stares at the shape out the window. It’s round, and large—definitely a planet; and a sort of reddish-brown color. 

"Would we, though?" Her voice sounds strained, grasping for threads of some sort of explanation.

"I would," Hera says, joining the conversation. "Whatever just appeared out there, it's new. It's throwing off the gravity in orbit like nothing else."

Neither of them have anything to say to that.

"There's, ah, probably something else you should know,” Hera continues.

Minkowski sighs. "What is it?"

"Well," she says slowly. "The ship's instruments are appear to have positively identified the orbital object. That's—well, that is, all signs seem to _indicate_ that… That’s not just a planet. That's Mars."

“No way is that possible," Eiffel says. Outside the window, the planet—which surely isn't Mars—sits, perfectly innocent to look at.

"I know," Hera says. "But it matches completely—size, shape, color, down to the smallest detail. Although..." Hera pauses. "I am getting some strange infrared readings."

"So, hypothetically," Minkowski says after a long pause. "If that _was_ Mars... How did it get here?"

***

Ginny double-checks her tech for the fiftieth time. "Nothing's online," she tells Sparks. He, Red, and Croach, are standing in front of her, muttering about the sun. "There's only one signal I can seem to access at all, and it’s like nothing I’ve ever seen. I can't tell if it's state-of-the-art or… incredibly out of date.”

"Have you tried contacting whoever it is on the other side?" Red asks.

Ginny shakes her head. “I figured iff they're hostile—if they're responsible for what’s going on with the sun—" She doesn't have to finish the thought.

"Yeah," Sparks says, "but I reckon if it is whoever's causing this mess, then at least maybe we can talk 'em into undoing it."

“I can predict a _number_ of ways this can go wrong,” Croach says.

"Yeah," Red replies with a grin, "but it's the only plan we’ve got."

***

The buzzer sounds.

Minkowski and Eiffel look down at the blinking light on the bridge's comms panel. 

“Wonder what the good doctor have to say about all this,” Eiffel says.

“Officer Eiffel, that's not—" Hera starts to say. Her frantic words are cut off by the buzz as it connects. “Not Dr. Hilbert,” she finishes. The soft static of the empty comms line suddenly seems very loud. "That's not coming from the Hephaestus. It’s… it’s coming from the planet."

"Who is this?" asks a voice from the other end.

"They called us," Eiffel mutters, "shouldn't we be the ones asking that question?"

"Quiet," Minkowski hisses. She turns to the comms and says, very slowly, very calmly, "This is Commander Minkowski of the U.S.S. Hephaestus. Who I am speaking to?"

"You're speaking to Sparks Nevada. Mars marshal."

"Uh," Eiffel says without thinking. "What?"

"Mars," he repeats. "You know. Like the planet?"

Mars. Hera had said Mars.

"And 'Sparks Nevada' is... your name?” Minkowski asks.

"Yep." A pause. Then he says, "Do you mind tellin' us what exactly is going on with the sun right about now?"

"Do you mind telling us how Mars magically teleported itself here?" Eiffel asks, exasperated.

"I'd love to, except, I don't know. And where is 'here'?"

There’s a moment’s pause as Eiffel and Minkowski meet eyes. What should they say? 

“I say just tell him,” Hera says finally.

So they explain to him, as best they can—still suspicious, still confused—that they are all of them right now orbiting a star called Wolf 359. Very, very far from Earth.

"Oh?" Sparks says at this. "I'm... from Earth, you know."

"So are we?" Eiffel says, unsure how to respond.

"So am I," says another voice, upbeat, over the speakers.

Minkowski stares at the sound panel in surprise. "There's somebody else there with you?"

"Oh, yeah," Sparks says, "loads'a folks."

“Oh—I’m sorry," says the new voice. "My names Virginia—well, Ginny—Ginny West. I apologize if we, uh, misled you there. I really have no idea what's going on here."

On the Hephaestus, Eiffel snorts and says, "Yeah, well, welcome to Wolf 359."

Ginny's words are followed by a round of introductions—Sparks introduces a woman named Red, as well as someone named Croach.

At his name, someone Eiffel can only assume is Croach says, "Do not mis-designate me to these strangers.” Sparks starts to protest, but Croach goes on: “Even after years working together, you still mispronounce my name."

This is followed by a flurry of indignant muttering from Sparks, but Minkowski just glances towards Eiffel and says, " _Gee_ , I wonder how _that_ would feel."

Eiffel starts to respond, but is cut off by the voice of the woman who'd been introduced as Red. "They're gonna be at it for a while," she says, referring to Sparks and Croach. "But what were y'all's names, again?" After Minkowski and Eiffel give their names, she continues, "So's it just the two of you up there, on the—Hephaestus, was it?"

"Yeah, the Hephaestus," Minkowski says, "and no, it's not just the two of us—though, nearly. There's Dr. Hilbert too; not really sure what he’s up to right now. Oh, and then there's Hera—the station AI."

"You mean, like, a robot?" Red says. Only her accent makes the word sound strange. _Robit_. 

"Not exactly," Minkowski says. "Hera's the station autopilot. She runs all of the ship's automated systems."

"An AI," Ginny says, “you… named your system AI."

"No," Eiffel says slowly. "Pretty sure the folks back home had that honor."

"That's weird," Sparks says.

Hera finally cuts into the conversation. "Excuse me?"

"It's not _that_ weird," Ginny says, which isn't really helping. At all.

"I suppose Martians haven't developed AIs yet?" Hera says. "Or do yours all just respond to 'Hey, you'?"

" _Martians_ ," Croach says, "did not invent artificial intelligences, no. And I would appreciate it greatly if you did not refer to these humans who merely happen to dwell on G’loot Praktah as being 'Martians'." 

The Hephaestus bridge falls silent for a moment as the three people there attempt to digest this.

"Is he... implying what I think he's implying?" Eiffel asks after the pause has gone on long enough to be sufficiently deemed “dramatic.”

"No," Minkowski says. "No, that would be crazy."

"I mean..." Hera's voice crackles over the speakers. "What's more likely: Mars being inhabited, or Mars spontaneously appearing eight light years away from where it should be?"

"Definitely the former," says Sparks.

"So you're telling me," Minkowski says, "that your friend here is a real, honest to god... Martian."

"Um. Yeah?"

"Right," Eiffel says, "glad we've established that things can always get weirder."

***

"Are they—” Ginny starts to say, “are they implying… what I think they're implying?"

"No way," Sparks says. "They said they were from Earth."

"Yeah," Red says, "but that don't mean—"

"Doesn't mean what?" Eiffel asks.

Red sighs. "Y'all aren't pre-contact, are you?"

"If by 'contact' you mean…” Eiffel says.

"I'll take that as a yes," Sparks mutters. “So’s this some sort of time travel thing? Because that is the last thing I needed today.”

“That is seconded on our end,” Eiffel says with a groan.

“So what year is it for you?” the Hephaestus AI—Hera—asks. She’s been relatively quiet thus far. 

Red gives the year; the Hephaestus crew gasp and swear accordingly.

“So what point are you folks comin’ from?” Red asks. 

Minkowski sighs and says, “2014.”

“But why would someone transport Mars to—to Wolf 359, a thousand years in the past?” Ginny asks. “It makes no sense!”

“I’m… not entirely sure what’s going on,” Hera says. There’s a definite electronic, glitchy quality to her voice that Sparks and the others are unfamiliar with.

“Enlighten us, Hera,” says Minkowski.

“Listen: people have been to Mars. People have taken countless photos and readings of Mars. If there was life there… if there was a _sentient culture_ there… don’t you think someone would have noticed?”

“She’s got a point,” Minkowski says.

“True,” Eiffel says, “but our good friends from the Red Planet are sitting right there outside our window.”

“Sparks Nevada,” Croach says, “I think that—“

Sparks ignores him and focuses his attention on the possibly-from-the-past people over the intercom. “Do y’all have any idea who or what could have done something like this?”

“Like what?” Minkowski echoes. “Move a _planet_?”

“Not to mention, time travel,” Eiffel cuts in.

“—No. Until recently, I was unaware that that was possible.” Minkowski sighs.

“Y’don’t suppose the Force Galactic could be capable of something like this, do you?” Red asks. 

Sparks glances towards her. “Probably,” he says. “But who would it have been? Barkeep’s had his powers suspended.”

“And more importantly,” Ginny says, “ _why_ would someone do this?”

“ _Sparks Nevada_ ,” Croach says again.

“Yeah, okay,” Eiffel says, “I’m gonna go ahead and pretend I understood that.”

“Great,” Sparks says, “you do that.”

“Sparks Nevada!”

Sparks turns to face Croach. “ _What_?”

“The temperature in this room is precisely four degrees cooler than it was this morning.”

“So? “ Sparks says. “Thermostat’s probably broken. We’ll deal with it later.”

“It is _not_ ,” says the marshal station AI, surprising everyone. “It’s just difficult keeping up with the temperature changes outside.”

A silence falls over the group for a moment, and then Ginny says, “What kind of temperature changes?”

“…Oh my god.” That’s Hera, on the other end of the line, before the station AI can respond. And then, softer, “Also, _hello_.”

“It’s getting really cold outside,” the marshal station AI explains to the humans (and Martian). “Surprised you guys didn’t notice, but then…”

“How cold?” Sparks asks.

“Say, 30 degrees lower than normal.”

“Oh,” Minkowski says. “That’s not good, is it?”

"Reckon not," Red mutters.

Hera groans. "The light and heat given off by Wolf 359 is way less than what Mars would normally get from Earth's sun. It's... it's only going to keep getting colder."

"Wait," Eiffel says. "Colder as in 'winter wonderland'? Or as in 'everyone is going to die horrible, painful frozen deaths'?"

"I'm not sure." Hera's voice is very soft.

"How many people are on that planet?" Minkowski asks. Ever practical.

"Um, I dunno," Sparks says. "A lot? Like, not Earth-levels a lot, but... A lot."

"We need to get you folks back home." 

"Ignoring that," Sparks says. He addresses the room. "Any ideas?"

"Well," Red says, "I'd bet anything that whoever it was transported us out here would have an idea of how to fix it."

"Wait," Minkowski says. "'Whoever it was that transported you'? Just like that? How do you know it was intentional?"

"They do not," Croach says, "but I have long since discovered that making rash assumptions is what humans do best. And it is best just to let them." Hera snorts.

"Should we goes ask Barkeep 'bout all of this?" Red asks. "Seein' as he's the closest thing we got to an expert on the Force Galactic."

"The 'Force Galactic'?" Eiffel says. "What sort of budget sci-fi show is this?"

"Um," Sparks says, "the real one."

"Anyways," Ginny says, "Red's idea isn't bad. Someone should go check in on the space saloon, see if maybe Barkeep's around?"

"I wouldn't do that," Hera says. "I mean, not that it's any of my business, but it's _really_ cold down there."

"Oh," Ginny says. 

"Hera—" Minkowski says.

"They have maybe two hours before temperature goes below survivable norms," Hera tells her.

The group on Mars exchanges worried, uncertain glances. Two hours until it's too cold outside to make it home again.

***

"Do you think maybe it's something going on with the star?" Minkowski says aside to Eiffel. It's not entirely clear whether the others will be able to hear her or not.

“How would it be?”

Minkowski sighs. “I don’t know. But anything’s possible at this point.” She pauses. “We should tell Dr. Hilbert about this.”

“…Do we _have_ to?”

She ignores him, and punches the buttons to call Hilbert.

“How certain are we that this really is Mars?” he asks after they’ve explained over what’s now a three-way call with the people down on the planet.

“Very certain,” Hera says. “There’s no way it’s not. It’s Mars, just with people on it.”

“Hmm,” Hilbert says. “Yes. Well.”

“Well?” Minkowski presses.

“Well…” Hilbert sighs. “Have you considered the possibility of alternate reality? Perhaps the star's unusual radiation was able to breach—"

“Oh, of course,” Eiffel says. “That’s a much more comforting prospect than time travel.”

“Uh,” says Red from Mars. “Nevada, you don’t suppose...“

"Maybe Barkeep's got more to do with this than we'd thought," Sparks agrees.

"Who's 'Barkeep'?" Minkowski asks. "Is that a name or a title?"

"I... guess a title?" Sparks says. "Hell if I can remember his real name. He runs the space saloon down the road."

"The space saloon," Eiffel echoes. "What, do you go there for a space drink on your space horse, watching the space tumbleweed in the distance?

"Uh," Sparks says, "yes?"

Red starts to say something but is cut off by a gasp from Eiffel. "Oh my god," he says, “Minkowski. They're cowboys. They're _space_ cowboys.”

“Eiffel," Minkowski says, her voice flat, "they are not space cowboys.”

Hera cuts in over the speakers, amused. "Pretty sure they're space cowboys.”

Minkowski groans.

Eiffel refocuses his attention on the Martians. Or, the Martian and the humans-living-on-Mars. "So like, do you guys really have space horses? That you ride through space?"

"We do," says Croach, "although not many a human’s rocket steed could survive very long outside of the atmosphere."

"I give up," Minkowski says to Eiffel. "You win. My life makes absolutely no sense.”

"Okay, okay," Eiffel says, still focused on the radio conversation. “So do you ever ride off into the sunset with dramatic music playing in the background, so that—“

“Officer Eiffel,” Hilbert says over the comms, “Believe I was told this was an emergency situation. We do not have time for—"

"Guess you could say this star system's not big enough for the both of us."

“Eiffel!” Minkowski says.

"Wait, Commander, I've got another one—“ But before he can elaborate, he's interrupted by a crackle of static as the comms line goes dead.

There's a moment of silence as attentions turn to the communications panel. Outside, the planet still sits there, silent, no sign of any change. 

"Hera, what happened?" Minkowski says.

"I'm not sure," Hera says. "The signal’s gone." Eiffel is already at the console trying to make sense of the already-strange readouts from their conversation with the not-Martians, but neither of them are able to make any headway. As far as they're concerned, the others are gone.

"Well," Eiffel says slowly, "any ideas?"

He's met with silence in response.

***

There's a buzz and a click and they're reconnected to the Hephaestus. 

“We have discovered the source of our appearance here,” Croach says to the humans over the connection.

“Yeah,” Sparks cuts in. “Some fella named… eh, somethin’ ‘of the Galaxium.’ You know the type.”

“Not really,” Minkowski says.

“Anyways,” Sparks continues, “turns out he was… trying to fix some issue from a while back—there was some dimension-hoppin’ goin’ on—and he managed to… overcorrect and send us here to you folks.”

No one is quite sure how to take that. “That’s… quite a story,” Minkowski responds finally.

“This guy got any idea how you’re going to get back?” Eiffel asks. 

“He does,” Red promises, “Already fixed up the temperature, and says he’s gonna get us back real soon.”

“But how did—“ Minkowski is cut off mid-sentence. The sun returns to the sky.

***

Outside the window, Mars blinks out of existence. (And, ostensibly, back into a different existence elsewhere.) The Hephaestus remains where it was. The groan of the ship seems to echo in the space left by the strange planet.

“That was… strange,” Minkowski says in the now-quiet room.

“Just another day on the Hephaestus,” Eiffel responds.


End file.
